‘He is a liar and a cheat’: My brother is bilking our ailing father out of $4,000 a month — even though he has two home-help aides

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Dear Quentin,

My father has a clinical diagnosis of dementia, and is being betrayed by my brother. Obviously, he is “taking care” of my dad. Me and two sisters live in another state. However, Dad gets 24/7 care from two lovely ladies who do all the work. My brother visits and claims he is “monitoring”.

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Being the son, he is being given $4,000 in cash every month, not the caretaker. It’s pathetic because he can’t really take care of himself, let alone being responsible for the other person. Two women who do everything for my father report that my brother literally does nothing for him.

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At Christmas it became clear that my brother was lying to my father with no intention of giving back how much money God knows. He has an outstanding credit line of $50,000 on the condo my dad lives in, which is in trust and owned by four siblings.

,‘My brother is lying to my father, has no intention of giving back how much money borrowed God knows.’,

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My brother has just sold his house, and is owed $175,000. My father believes that my brother is going to pay him back from the sale of the house he had originally bought for my brother in cash.

My brother is an alcoholic and has taken wonderful vacations and bought his daughter a car, diamond earrings, and designer clothes and jewelry. He does not report any earned income to the Internal Revenue Service, and receives disability payments for the concern. I think he’s a liar and a cheater, and I’m not happy to say it’s been his whole life.

My eldest sister has a power of attorney, but she is the kindest person I have ever met. I doubt she will take over my father’s estate, because she herself is very nice and I don’t think she cares about money.

Not to be greedy, but my retirement plan included part of Dad’s generosity, and now he’s cut three sisters off, apologizes to us, and is still funding my brother’s lavish spending habits .

I honestly think he has no idea what mess my brother got himself into. I also feel that what my lazy brother is doing is insulting and illegal. Without a power of attorney, is there any advice you can send me? I’m afraid of being cut off, and I need advice on how to move forward.

sad sister

dear sad sister,

Don’t depend on your father for your retirement planning.

If you want to help your father and keep him from being manipulated and/or coerced into giving money to your brother, you have to put your father’s interests above everything else – your own interests and fears. Including that you will disturb the apple cart and put your risk at risk. own legacy. If everyone is taking care of number 1, who will take care of your father?

Your sister is not interested in keeping a close watch on your father’s property. Your brother has access and influence over your father. No one here wants to challenge the status quo. But nothing comes of it, and not taking any action will only encourage your brother more. It is much harder to restore money to an asset than it is to prevent it from taking over in the first place.

Talk to your sister. Talk to your father about your brother. Contact your father’s bank to alert him of his diagnosis and provide evidence to prevent further transactions that may be caused by your brother’s undue influence on your father, and advocate for an independent party Or submit a petition to probate court to become a guardian.

,No one wants to challenge the status quo. But nothing comes, and not taking any action will only boost your brother’s spirits.,

“A guardianship can be established when a person becomes incapacitated. For a guardianship to be initiated, a petition must be filed in the court,” according to Jacob Ann Feldman’s Law Office, “During the proceedings, a judge may hear evidence as to whether the person is actually incapacitated and whether he is incapable of making a decision for himself.”

The law firm says, “If the power of attorney is already in effect, a personal petition for guardianship, the court may consider a power of attorney before deciding on a guardian.” “However, since the power of attorney does not cover all needs, and if the individual’s needs exceed the power of attorney, the court may grant a guardianship.”

Your letter was to your brother and about 90% of all decisions – nefarious or otherwise – he made in his lifetime. You clearly have unresolved feelings about him. If you want to take action, put these on the back burner and focus on spending time with your father, and spend your time and energy making sure his physical and financial health is looked after.

IYou You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at [email protected], and follow Quentin Fotrell Twitter.

check out The Maniast Private Facebook Group, where we seek answers to life’s most thorny money issues. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you’d like to learn more about, or peruse the latest Manifest column.

Dhani is sorry that he cannot answer the questions personally.

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