I think I’m more reasonable relative to sharing expenses while I’m at my girlfriend’s house, but I could have used a little approach.
My 59 year old retired girlfriend is well. Her lakefront home, her Florida condo, and her residential and commercial rental properties with an additional buildable lot have been paid off, and she has more than $3 million in cash and investments. She is also taking alimony from her ex for a few more years.
I am 62 years old and employed, and I have just under $1 million in cash and investments. I have no debt other than a car lease, manage my finances judiciously, and am a person of simple pleasures.
I came to live with them a few years back, and believe in giving my fair share of daily expenses and contributing towards running the household. I pay for all utilities and cables, try to contribute a similar amount for groceries, and do a substantial amount of chores around the house, namely various handyman activities (replacing a faucet, fixing the dryer). do, etc) and landscape maintenance, as well as minor property improvements for which I voluntarily contribute to the cost.
These improvements have added value to his home. I do a lot of minor repairs on her rental properties and coordinate the contractor work on her behalf as I am good at making sure things go well and she gets what she pays for. I spring mostly for food and entertainment, and I’m happy to do so. We generally share the cost of the trip.
,‘When there’s an expensive repair or tax bills come in, she insists that I contribute more financially because I don’t have separate home expenses.’ ,
I realize that I am saving money by not affording a detached house, and am grateful for the opportunity to live in her beautiful home and thus build my retirement nest egg.
Given our markedly different financial circumstances, I think it’s best to keep our assets separate, and he agrees. I don’t expect anything from his property should I keep him alive and make it clear to him.
Here’s the rub. She regularly complains about what it is costing her to maintain and repair her properties and the things she owns (boats, vehicles, etc.), yet she spends freely and impulsively, Many things she buys fall by the wayside because they weren’t what she expected or really wanted.
I just see it as extravagant spending and think that if she was really concerned about her financial future, she would have changed her spending habits. Many property repairs are caused by her poor choices in the past—which she admits—in hiring friends or acquaintances who do poorly without oversight.
When there is an expensive repair or tax bills, she insists that I contribute more financially because I don’t have separate household expenses.
In my opinion, any maintenance or repair costs associated with things owned by him are his responsibility, as they are mine. I would think the same way if our circumstances were reversed – if I own it, it’s my responsibility. I have many friends, both male and female, who live with their partners, and they manage things the way I think they should be managed. what do you think
Me. More movies or TV shows
Your letter and position are both simple and complex. They’re simple because the answer is already in the palm of your hand if you want to see it. They are complicated because you need to come to a solution that suits both sides. Currently, from what you say in your letter, it seems that your arrangement suits you much more than your girlfriend.
The simple part: She’s told you what she wants. She thinks it will be better if you pay more for your living expenses. Call it rent, although I understand that “rent” sounds like a dirty word in a relationship, especially when it suggests an imbalance of power (landlord/tenant) and a temporary rather than permanent arrangement.
She may tell you this when she’s stressed, but sometimes people just have the courage to say what they really feel or what’s going through their mind during heated discussions. Is it a healthy way to communicate and talk about important issues? No, but does that mean she doesn’t want you to contribute any more? not again.
,‘Intentional or not, you risk justifying your desire to increase your retirement savings by pretending that your girlfriend has a lot of money, which she spends intentionally.’,
The complicated part: how you contribute to the household, and the disparity in your economic situation. For the former, you “earn your maintenance” by doing repairs, knowing that these handyman tasks have a monetary value. You are happy to help and – consciously or not – you are deducting those tasks from an imaginary fare.
Ask your girlfriend if you can give her advice on shopping. (It’s always better to ask if you can open the door to unsolicited advice before we weigh in.) As I said to the woman who wanted to buy a $30,000 bracelet, we often buy the stuff assuming that It will fill an emotional or spiritual void in our lives. When it doesn’t, we buy more.
But those two issues — your contribution and your girlfriend’s spending habits — are separate issues. It is a mistake to mix the two. Intentionally or not, you put yourself at risk to justify your desire to increase your retirement savings by telling yourself that your girlfriend has a lot of money, which she sometimes unknowingly and intentionally spends.
so what will you do now? You acknowledge that solving such financial dilemmas will – hopefully – strengthen your communication skills and relationship. Ask your girlfriend what she believes would be a reasonable monthly contribution. If there is room for negotiation, you can come to an agreement with money and hiring competent repair people.
without this conversation and to deal with it peloton in the room Head over, you’ll keep tripping over it.
check out The Maniast Private Facebook Group, where we seek answers to life’s most thorny money issues. Readers write to me with all kinds of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you’d like to learn more about, or peruse the latest Manifest column.
Dhani is sorry that he cannot answer the questions personally.
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